Smoke
by The Shinsengumi Muses
Summary: A RFO from Relena point of view. A songfic to the song "Smoke." Some things just aren't a walk in the park... 1+2


Notes: Thank A-chan for beta'ing this fic! She's the best!!

Warnings: 1x2, R+1, angst, RFO, deathfic

**Smoke**

By: Emmy and Erin

Lyrics by: Natalie Imbruglia

* * *

  
**[My lullaby, hung out to dry**   
**What's up with that**   
**It's over**   
**Where are you dad**   
**Mum's lookin' sad**   
**What's up with that]**   
  
I look around at the funeral of my foster father, looking at the multitude of faces. I knew he was here. He had to be here. My   
Mother was in the corner, talking to my grandparents. My Father was in the coffin at the front of the room. But I knew he was   
here. Heero had to be here. He wouldn't leave me alone at a time like this. Heero wasn't like that. But even though I didn't see   
him right away, I continued to search. My fairy tale life as daughter of a diplomat maybe over, but Heero wouldn't care. He   
would still love me.   
  
**[It's dark in here**   
**Why, bleeding is breathing**   
**You're hiding, underneath the smoke in the room**   
**Try, bleeding is believing]**

I walked out of the room, collecting myself in the shadows but also knowing that they brought the same unfathomable loneliness   
that I was feeling right now. I wrapped my arms around my body securely and looked out for the perfect soldier once more. He   
had to be here, he just had to be. Guests were entering and exiting right and left, I couldn't help but let a tear drip from my eyes   
as I spotted a clock. Right now it was ten-thirty. If he was coming he should have arrived already. 

'If he was coming to the funeral.' I reminded myself and shook my head. I walked out of the room to head home. I didn't   
bother to go back and tell my Mother that I was leaving. She would know I was gone, and at that moment it didn't matter   
where I was heading for. It was true, I had to make sure I didn't get killed; it would put too much strain on her already heavy   
shoulder. 

But then again, it wouldn't matter would it? When will be the next time I see Heero? I knew that he cared; I could see it in his   
eyes. I knew that he- 

In my preoccupied walk, I fell to my knees after tripping on a lone stone in the road. A stinging pain tainted my legs and parts   
went numb. I pulled the limps up toward me, dirtying and tethering the long cloth under me that was my dress. I winced through   
the torn strings that once held together my dress. My knees were covered in crimson blood that slowly trickled down my legs. 

I hobbled to my feet and looked around for a bench I could sit down on, to take a moment to tend to the wounds. It wouldn't   
help much until I got home, but since the dress was already a mess, it wouldn't make much of a difference if I used the   
remainders of the skirt as bandages.   
  
As I walked, looking for a bench, I heard a familiar voice. Heero! I knew he'd be here! I hobbled towards him, planning to   
greet him with a hug. But I stopped, when I saw whom he was with. The boy from the beach, the one who'd shot him. I didn't   
trust the longhaired boy, not at all.   
  
I moved closer, but froze when they kissed. Heero kissed the idiot! And then, my heart broke even more as he wrapped him in   
a tight hug, proving he hadn't been forced into doing it. I turned and ran, crying. They never saw me.   
  
**[I used to**   
**My mouth is dry**   
**Forgot how to cry**   
**What's up with that]**

I cried constantly as I ran home, forgetting the pain of my father's death, forgetting the pain in my legs. Only remembering the   
pain Heero and the unknown boy had caused. They had shattered my already fragile heart with one moonlit action, and even   
though Heero knew how I felt about him. He knew!   
  
I couldn't believe that he would do something like that. He couldn't! I curled up into a small ball in the corner of my room.   
I was home now, but it still seemed too vacant and lifeless. It was a house of actors; nothing in the house was real. Lies, that   
was the only thing that outstretched. And there was nothing that could fill back the love that had been spilled. I had dropped   
the glass and the spilled milk had already caused as much great damage; what would have happened if Father was here? 

He wasn't here to tell me that it was okay, I was the only one here, sitting hallow on the floor.   
  
**[You're hurting me**   
**I'm running fast**   
**Can't hide the past**   
**What's up with that**   
**You're pushing me]**   
  
I shook my head as I looked back to my bloodied knees and wanted to cry again. I shook my head, leading myself to my   
closet. I pulled the tattered dress off and decided that I was going to confront Heero. I knew where he was and I needed to   
talk to him, to get some closure to all the open doors. 

I grabbed the only pair of jeans that I owned and pulled them on, I didn't want to stand out on a night like this. I also pulled on   
a simple button-up white shirt. I needed to face what was going on, one thing at a time. Since the answer was so close, I could   
end this part now. I took a deep breath as I pulled open my drawer to find a shiny, black gun. 

'Just in case,' I noted to myself. I couldn't get killed, not now. This was just for precautionary reasons. You would never know   
when it would be needed. I pulled the gun in my pocket, but not before I made sure it was loaded. What good would it do to   
carry one without bullets? I couldn't very well knock an Oz officer over the head and expect to win. Especially since they would   
had a loaded gun. I walked out of the front door and broke into a run. 

The sooner I reach him...them, the sooner I could put an end to what I had been dreaming about. I needed to vary it as fact or   
fiction.   
  
**[Why, bleeding is breathing**   
**You're hiding, underneath the smoke in the room**   
**Try, bleeding is believing]**   
  
As I raced to the park, I began to realize they could've left. If they did, I would hunt them to the ends of the Earth, and all   
throughout space. This would not go unexplained. It would not. 

When I reached the park, I was tired, but I would go on. I slowly and quietly walked to where the two had been, and looked,   
making sure they were still there. They were. Only now, instead of hugging, they were lying on the grass, holding each other,   
and looking up at the stars. 

I stepped out of the shadows, and Heero turned, pointing his gun at my head. The other boy lay there, his hat pulled low over   
his eyes, not paying any attention. When Heero saw it was me he relaxed a bit. The other boy stayed lied down. 

"What the hell do you want?" he asked me icily, and I took another step forward. Then the other boy spoke. 

"Ojousan, before you come any closer, drop the gun," was all he said, but the way he said it froze me in my tracks.   
  
**[I used to**   
**Why, bleeding is breathing**   
**You're hiding, underneath the smoke in the room**   
**Try, bleeding is believing**   
**I saw you crawling on the floor]**

How did he know that?! I shook my head. "It's for precaution. I'm not planning on firing it unless you force me to." This time the   
braided pilot sat up and smiled to me coldly. "As if a chick like you could even dream of hitting a gundam pilot!" I smiled right   
back to him. "And why couldn't I?" 

"Because you aren't quick enough, fast enough, and possibly smart enough." 

"Smart ass." I mumbled under my breath. I looked back to Heero. "Just answer me one question, you at least owe me that."   
My suspicions were next to confirmed as the other pilot hopped to his feet and walked over to Heero, resting his head on his   
shoulder. "And what would that be?" Heero questioned, folding his arms. 

"Why?" I pulled my hand to the gun tucked securely in my pocket. 

"Why what?" The American questioned, planting a quick kiss on Heero's cheek. I cringed as I saw that. It just wasn't right and   
I wouldn't be able to accept that. "Why don't you love me?" He was taken aback at that. But he wasn't thrown off completely.   
"Get it through your head, ojousan. Heero just doesn't and there isn't anything you can do about it." 

"Shut up, I asked Heero not you." He glared to me but turned his attention back to Heero, gripping his hand. Heero finally   
spoke up; I wasn't going to hide from the reality. Even if it hurt like hell. Everything was gone for me now if Heero didn't love   
me. There wasn't anything left if he didn't, so I needed this answer from him.   
  
**[Why, bleeding is believing**   
**You're hiding, underneath the smoke in the room**   
**Try, bleeding is believing**   
**I saw you falling on the floor]**

"I love Duo," was Heero's quiet answer. "And I don't love you because you're not him." The other pilot hugged him tight, and I   
felt as if everything I needed for living had been ripped out of my body, and thrown under the feet of their gundams. 

My vision spun. I knew he was telling the truth, but it still hurt. I turned and walked from the clearing, melting once more into   
the shadows. But, instead of leaving, I turned and stayed hidden in the shadows, watching the two. 

Heero was still being hugged the American, and I reached for my gun. The one I had promised not to use. I pulled the heavy   
metallic thing out of my pocket and looked at it. It looked so small, but it was so deadly. My mind raced back to the braided   
idiot's words, how I couldn't kill a pilot. He was going to see how wrong he was. They both were. 

I gripped the gun in both hands and took aim. I steadied myself and pointed the gun to the gundam pilots, aiming for the   
American. I didn't care what happened any more, I was going to do what I wanted and not mind, or notice the consequence. I   
took aim, pulled the trigger and watched the bullet fly. 

Ripping through the air, the two spun around and looked at me but it was too late. I watched as the braided pilot pulled out a   
gun, Heero fell to the ground, and the black that over came my vision.   
  
Death, huh?   
  
I think I found my new love, something that had already captured me. That darkness was so inviting, shooting through my skin,   
tearing my flesh apart.   
  
Finally, it ends. 

* * *

OWARI

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